All You Need is Love? Valentine’s Day for Cheap

Across the county, wallets everywhere are weeping.
Photo by zirconicusso

Here it is, that special time of year when you can’t turn on the TV without a massive guilt-trip and a plea to buy shiny little chunks of stone that will set you back about a week’s salary.  Oh, yes, it’s Valentine’s Day.

I know, I know.  It’s a made-up Hallmark holiday designed to sell cards, flowers, cutesy stuffed animals, and jewelry, blah, blah, blah.  I’m not going to get involved in that argument, and I’m not going to write a dissertation on the origins of Valentine’s Day.  Let’s just leave it at this – it’s part of our cultural, you’ve been hearing about practically since Christmas, and really, what’s wrong with taking a day to shower your loved one with (more than your usual) love and affection?  I can get behind that.

The thing is, there’s a lot of pressure to spend a small fortune just to let someone you know you care.  Not necessary.  Gavin and I brainstormed a few ideas for cheap ways to celebrate each other (not the day, each other), and we thought we’d share a few of those with you:

•  Do you really need flowers?  Nurseries tend to hike up their prices right before the big day, knowing that plenty of poor schmucks will have few options but to pay their exorbitant prices.  Living in the Northwest, you can’t exactly go raid someone’s garden for some nice flowers this time of year (although I am hearing reports of early daffodils…).  If you can’t afford to spend a bundle on the holiday, I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to forgo flowers. 
• What about jewelry?  Okay, I’m just not even going to go there.  Forget the jewelry.  Let’s be realistic, please.
• Cards are nice, but spending $5 on a piece of paper with a sweet little sentiment on it seems an easy way out, but really, you could do plenty more with that five bucks. 

So what should we do? 

•  Fix a nice meal for your sweetie.  It doesn’t have to be fancy or involve tenderloin.  Try out our chicken and potatoes recipe for a meal that looks pretty and tastes great but doesn’t cost a fortune.  Light candles, use the “nice” dishes, tablecloth and napkins.
• Plan an inexpensive date night.  If you have kids, put in a movie and pop some popcorn after they go to bed.  Let that old “Valentine’s Day Magic” do its thing.
• Pick a day after Valentine’s Day.  All the prices will have gone back down and you stand a chance of getting a good deal if you are able to splurge a little on a night out.
• Take some time during the day (if you are both lucky enough to have it off) and just go for a walk in a nice location, if the weather permits. 
• Set a small budget for each of you (maybe $5) and get each other a surprise.  Cards are off-limits!  Be creative.

What inexpensive ways do you find to spoil your sweetie during February?

Facing Two New Year’s Challenges Head On

What does weight loss have to do with money management?
Photo by vorakorn kanopipat

Last night a lot of people made a lot of resolutions to change themselves in the coming year.  Many of those resolutions have likely been broken already.  In years past, I’ve made resolution after resolution, and it’s always the same ones over and over.  I seem to be stuck in a cycle.

This year, they aren’t resolutions.  For one thing, I didn’t make them last night, and I didn’t start them today.  They’ve been ongoing projects, with clear lines and clear plans of attack.  Two of them are, of course, the perennial favorites:  get my money situation in order and get rid of all this extra weight.  I know – fix finances and lose the weight.  Practically a new year cliché, isn’t it?

Well, maybe so, and with good reason.   For me, these two are intricately tied to each other.  I strongly suspect that by fixing one, I will fix the other.  There’s something in my head that just doesn’t quite work right when it comes to these two subjects.  Both appear to come from a fear of denying myself anything.

Why is this?  What is it that I’m trying to make up for?  Granted, I was never taught the best habits.  I find that I am jealous of those for whom these two things come so easily.  I envy those people who claim to love vegetables and exercise.  I’m flabbergasted by those for whom money management is practically second nature.  I feel angry that I’m not one of them, that I have to struggle.  I’m angry that I never learned these skills from my parents (sorry Mom and Dad, I know you read here and I’m not trying to throw you under the bus, but you have to agree that these skills weren’t exactly well-modeled).  I’m angry at myself that for some reason I continue to struggle. 

I’m not a stupid person.  I know perfectly well that eat less + exercise more = lose weight, and spend less + save more = good money management.  But putting those things in practice… it’s a constant struggle.  I can complain until I’m blue in the face about how hard it is to buy healthy food on a budget, and it’s true that it’s a challenge, but I also must make the choice to take that challenge on.  I’m educated, I have no excuse.  I know how to fix healthy meals – I just prefer the taste of salt and fat.

I can complain about how I can’t afford Weight Watchers or a personal trainer – but I do have access to many free programs that can help me and provide practically the same tools.  I can complain about not making enough money, or I can learn to properly manage what I already have.  And when I choose to waste money on meals out or junk food, that is a choice that impacts both areas and affects my progress on both fronts.

So.  I have a plan. I’m dealing with both.  I’m aware of the problem and I’m actively working on a solution.  My mantra for 2012?  No excuses.  No bitching about the problem unless I can find a solution for it.  There’s plenty of things in life that are completely out of my control.  Those things are the ones I should be complaining about. These are the things I can fix.  

The Breakdown

It adds up faster than you think.
Photo by Michelle Meiklejohn

Following the directions in the Planner, we’ve been tracking our spending since last Friday.  Here’s our report, warts and all. Take advantage -- be a little voyeuristic!  There’s some ugly stuff on here, so no judgments please.  We are aware of the problem, and that’s the point of this project.  Change isn’t overnight.

Friday:

• Gas   25.15
• Groceries (including Christmas/Birthday gifts)  167.30

Saturday

• Coffee with Dad  6.00
• Red Robin (Mom’s birthday lunch)  32.74
• Lunch at work (Gavin)  8.00

Sunday

• Gift for my brother   20.97
• Breakfast at work (Gavin)  4.93

Monday

• Hulu    8.75
• Gift for Gavin    13.93
• KFC   18.92
• McDonalds   10.05
• Breakfast at work (Gavin)  6.47

Tuesday

• Gas   21.00

Wednesday 

• Parking (for Elias’s appt.)  5.00
• NSF fee through bank   25.00
• Payment on Merrick account (credit card)  23.30

Thursday

• NSF bank fee 25.00
• Breakfast at work (Gavin)  2.10
• Sodas  5.25

Okay.  I can see some serious problems and money drains.  They’re pretty ugly in fact.  But that’s not what we are looking at today.  Our assignment was to evaluate how our spending reflects our priorities.

I can see my family priority reflected in my spending on gifts and the treats on Saturday.  I spent money I really couldn’t afford because I wanted to participate in my mom’s birthday.  Responsibility and health kind of flew out the window when I was feeling lazy on Monday and opted to get dinner at KFC.  Convenience really took over at that point.

Gavin’s priorities weren’t very well reflected in his spending this week either.  Taking care of the family with groceries and Christmas gifts was there, but he also spent a lot of money trying to streamline his mornings.  He will probably say that he is eating out in the morning to keep from waking Maddie up, and that’s his way of helping the family, but it’s clear that we are going to have to find a better solution.

And what about those bank fees?  Neither of us has a goal of keeping BECU in business, so we definitely need to get that under control.  

The next step is to figure out how we're going to save that $1000 emergency fund.  It looks pretty challenging at this point, but we're going to sit down tonight and hammer out a plan.  I plan to post the plan, along with constant updates on how we are growing that $1000.  I think it will be fun to see how it grows!

The Problem of Tipping at Christmas

Are you really obligated to gift everyone who has provided
you with a service this year?
image by digitalart

There’s a certain expectation around Christmas-time that pretty much every single person you had contact with throughout the year needs some sort of tip or acknowledgement.  As lovely as that sounds, for those of us who can barely afford to get gifts for our own families, it can put us in a real bind.

Blog posts and tipping guides abound this time of year, with advice on how to tip everyone from teachers to the person who delivers your mail (who I don’t think I’ve ever met, by the way).  One site that claims to be about frugal living offered tipping advice for nannies, personal trainers and house cleaners.  Clearly their idea of “frugality” is a tad bit different than mine. 

So what am I supposed to do?  When the latest tipping advice suggests $15 to $20 gift cards for teachers, child care workers, and so many others, where does that leave me?  My son is in middle school – he has six teachers every day, and that doesn’t even include the therapists and other professionals who I think deserve tips more than the teachers.  At 20 bucks a pop, that’s $120 right there, over half of this year’s Christmas budget.  I can’t afford to get gifts for my friends this year – it seems unfair to be obligated to gift these other people.

What are the consequences if I don’t tip?  Is each teacher keeping a list and checking it twice, marking off the kids who brought in a gift card and pledging as a New Year’s Resolution to be much kinder to those kids for the second half of the school year?  Will my mail carrier start spitting on my mail if I don’t leave a Starbucks gift card for him in my mailbox next week? 

If you have the means to tip and you really feel like saying “Thank you” to someone who has done an exceptional service for you this year, by all means, knock yourself out.  But if your budget is already strained to the limit and you are only tipping because of a feeling of societal pressure, maybe you should rethink the reasons behind your tipping. 

There’s plenty of ways  to say thank you and acknowledge gratitude without buying gift cards or giving cash.  A nice homemade treat, especially one that your child helped make, is a great way to say thank you.  Better yet – call up the person on the phone and say the words “thank you.”  I bet they’ll actually appreciate that even more than the gift card.  

Our Priorities

Spending money should reflect our priorities.  But first we need to know what those are.
Image by Naypong

So, moving along in the Planner.

After we dreamt about having a million dollars, our next job was to think about our top five priorities.  Gavin, Elias and I all worked on this, with fairly different results. 

I think Elias was probably the most honest in his priorities.  I know what my priorities should be, but sometimes I forget, especially when something tantalizing is in sight.  Gavin didn’t even list “fun” as one of his priorities, but I know that isn’t true.  I also noticed that each of us interpreted the question slightly differently.

Without further ado, here are our lists:

Amee

1. Family
2. Friends
3. Having Fun
4. Responsibility
5. Health

Gavin

1. Being a good husband/father
2. Being a good friend
3. My job
4. Money
5. Myself

Elias

1. Having fun
2. Reading
3. Learning science
4. Colors (his fish)
5. Maddie

I should probably be worried that he considers Colors to be higher priority than his sister, but he is, after all, only 11.  I also don’t think it’s necessarily true.  This morning, he made breakfast for Maddie, but I had to remind him to feed the fish.

So, on to the next question.  How did spending our million reflect our priorities?  Elias’s spending decisions clearly reflect his desire to have fun above everything else.  Because he has Asperger’s, he is also limited in his ability to look past himself and his own desires. 

Gavin felt that using the million to take care of the bills and other responsibilities freed him from stress, which would in turn allow him to be a better father.

I felt like my desire to have a house represents my need to put my family first. 

Our assignment for the next week is to track our money that we spend.  This is where things always tend to fall apart, but we’ve done alright for the first couple of days.  I don’t think it will be a fair representation of our spending habits, though, since Gavin is in between paychecks and we’re trying to cope with Christmas being right around the corner.  We’ll report the results when they are in, though.  The goal is to see if our spending habits reflect our priorities. 

What are your top priorities?  Do your spending habits reflect them?