Expenses Expand to Fill the Income Allotted

Her relatives are cheetahs.  Never forget that.

While feeding Minerva (our cat) the other day, I had one of those brain-lapse moments and opened the freezer instead of the cupboard.  As luck would have it, Elias noticed and started laughing at me.  Then he started asking why anyone would keep cat food in the freezer.  I recalled seeing a type of specialty raw cat food that you do, in fact, keep in the freezer.  I told this to Elias, mostly to demonstrate that looking in the freezer for cat food really isn’t as nuts as it might have looked initially. 

“How come we don’t buy Minerva that kind of food?”  Elias asked. 

“Because it’s really expensive and it’s not exactly within our budget,” I answered. 

“If we had a lot of money, we could buy Minerva that kind of food,”  Elias said.

Well, yes, I suppose we could.  At that point the little wheels in my head started turning.  What other little “improvements” would we make if we could improve them?  Although our income was essentially double at this time last year, we really weren’t any better off then.  With the cut in income, we cut down and cut back on every little item that wasn’t essential.  When we had more money coming in, we simply frittered away the extras on those things that were “upgrades” from the bare minimum. 

I think these sort of little expenses are part of the reason that so many people feel like they are constantly broke and can’t figure out why.  People don’t think about these kinds of expenditures.  After all, when we purchase the “upgrade,” it’s usually only a little bit more expensive.   We deserve these little luxuries, we tell ourselves.  Even when it’s just the more expensive cat food. 

I’m not saying deprive yourself of every little luxury in your life.  But the next time you start thinking of making an upgrade to something, ask yourself if a) you can really afford it, and b) you really need it.  After all, if your cat is like mine and spends most of her time laying around purring, I don’t think she really needs an evolutionary raw-food based diet.  She’s doing just great on the Whiskas.  

Do You Believe in Magic?

I do.

Look around you.  The stories are everywhere.  People doing wonderful things for strangers, spreading kindness, love and joy all around.  The stories about people paying off other people’s layaways at Kmart are particularly striking.  Can you imagine being one of those people who received such a generous gift from someone you didn’t even know?  The idea brings tears to my eyes.  I would love to be on the other end as well, knowing that I’m making someone so happy and making a Christmas happen that might not otherwise.

Just this past month, our family has been on the receiving end of several gifts and kindnesses from loved ones.  Friends and family have reached out in ways I never would have imagined.  You’ve heard about the Shop with a Cop program the kids got to participate in.  Just two days ago, two of my friends turned up on my doorstep with about two weeks’ worth of groceries, gifts for the kids, and much more.  Gavin’s mom received a special bonus at her work and decided to share her good fortune with her kids.  All of these things couldn’t have happened at a better time. 

While grocery shopping the other night, we made our own effort to pay it forward.  We purchased a gift for the toy drive at Fred Meyer.  I hope our small gift will make a child happy.  It's not a lot, but it's something.

On a forum I belong to, a discussion has been ensuing about whether or not to tell a 10-year-old “the truth” about Santa.  Here was my response:

Santa is analogous with magic. If he (Elias) believes in Santa, he believes in magic. I love that. I think we SHOULD believe in magic. I believe that magic happens. How many times have I been saved from the brink of disaster? Magic happens. It doesn't always happen, and it doesn't happen in the manner you might expect, but it does happen. And it doesn't matter what name you choose to call it: magic, karma, answered prayers... whatever. It HAPPENS. I want him to believe that good things happen when you least expect them. And that includes Santa. Take away that belief and all you have left is sad cynicism, which is no way to live.

It's been a rough year. But somehow, Christmas has managed to come together. We have some gifts for the kids, the family really came through, and the kids even got to participate in a special event "Shop with a Cop." It came together like magic. 

I don't know whether he believes in a literal man who is going to climb down the chimney on Christmas Eve (we are 2nd floor in an apt building, I can't imagine the logistics on that one), but he is more than happy to play along with it and he encourages his 3-year-old sister, and that makes me happy. 

I see no reason to tell him otherwise. Because I believe in Santa too.

Do you believe?
Image courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

Shop with a Cop

Officer Todd and the kids.

Thanks to the kindness of friends, the kids got a really special treat yesterday.  Shop with a Cop is a nationwide program to help lower income families get through the holidays.  The kids get to take a trip through a local Walmart with a local police officer and choose toys for themselves, up to $50. 

I had never heard of this program, then I received word from a friend that they had nominated me and my family had been chosen to participate. Since one of my friends is married to a cop who was participating in the event, we thought it would be pretty neat if the kids got to shop with him.  It didn’t work out that way, but it was still a special experience for everyone. 

We arrived at 8:45 a.m., per my friend’s suggestion.  My sister came with us (and all the photos are courtesy of her) and when we pulled in to the parking lot, we started laughing.  “Can you imagine being a shoplifter?” my sister asked.  The parking lot was wall-to-wall cop cars.  It was pretty impressive.  Cops from every nearby city and district were represented.  We saw Burien cops, Seatac cops, King County Sheriffs… 

When we approached the door, we were guided to the line.  Which wrapped along one side and the back of the store.  While the line was somewhat intimidating, I couldn’t help but think how many donations and how much kindness of others this represented.  What a wonderful thing, that so many families would be helped! 

The line moved quickly, and soon we were matched up with our cop, Officer Todd.  In the line, I had decided that Elias could ask for a video game, since that’s what he really wanted, but I told him that if they asked, mention that it had been a gift from his aunt.  As soon as we met Officer Todd, Elias walked right up to him and said “My mom said I could get a video game, but to let you know my aunt gave me my DS.”  If there’d been a hole in the floor, I would have gladly jumped right in.  Officer Todd grinned.  “He speaks his mind, doesn’t he?” he said.

Elias gets the game he's been dying for.

 Elias promptly picked out DragonQuest Monsters, a game for his DS that he has been begging for since August.  Maddie was a little more challenging.  She eventually found a little rabbit that comes with a dressing trailer (huh?), a pony that came in a purse, and a Magnadoodle.  The pony in the purse was the clear winner, and she pretty much refused to let go of it for the rest of the day (and she slept with it last night). 

Maddie shows off her pony in a purse.

 Officer Todd was friendly and patient with the kids, even when Elias tried to go into one-up mode, and the kids had a wonderful time.  I do hope they understand that this trip is going to help make up for the rather meager amount of presents that will be under the tree this year.    I’m deeply grateful to my friends for making this happen. 

Our Priorities

Spending money should reflect our priorities.  But first we need to know what those are.
Image by Naypong

So, moving along in the Planner.

After we dreamt about having a million dollars, our next job was to think about our top five priorities.  Gavin, Elias and I all worked on this, with fairly different results. 

I think Elias was probably the most honest in his priorities.  I know what my priorities should be, but sometimes I forget, especially when something tantalizing is in sight.  Gavin didn’t even list “fun” as one of his priorities, but I know that isn’t true.  I also noticed that each of us interpreted the question slightly differently.

Without further ado, here are our lists:

Amee

1. Family
2. Friends
3. Having Fun
4. Responsibility
5. Health

Gavin

1. Being a good husband/father
2. Being a good friend
3. My job
4. Money
5. Myself

Elias

1. Having fun
2. Reading
3. Learning science
4. Colors (his fish)
5. Maddie

I should probably be worried that he considers Colors to be higher priority than his sister, but he is, after all, only 11.  I also don’t think it’s necessarily true.  This morning, he made breakfast for Maddie, but I had to remind him to feed the fish.

So, on to the next question.  How did spending our million reflect our priorities?  Elias’s spending decisions clearly reflect his desire to have fun above everything else.  Because he has Asperger’s, he is also limited in his ability to look past himself and his own desires. 

Gavin felt that using the million to take care of the bills and other responsibilities freed him from stress, which would in turn allow him to be a better father.

I felt like my desire to have a house represents my need to put my family first. 

Our assignment for the next week is to track our money that we spend.  This is where things always tend to fall apart, but we’ve done alright for the first couple of days.  I don’t think it will be a fair representation of our spending habits, though, since Gavin is in between paychecks and we’re trying to cope with Christmas being right around the corner.  We’ll report the results when they are in, though.  The goal is to see if our spending habits reflect our priorities. 

What are your top priorities?  Do your spending habits reflect them?

If I Had a Million Dollars....

BNL back in the day....

This was a fun assignment in the Planner.   Each person in the family has an opportunity to create a list of what they would do if they had a million dollars.  There’s obviously more to this assignment, but we’ll take it one piece at a time.  I created my list, and I asked Gavin and Elias to create lists as well.  Maddie is exempt…

My list:

• Buy us a new home, nothing too fancy.
• Buy a newer car.
• Pay off all of our debt.
• Help out family members and friends who need it.
• Donate to charities.
• Set up an investment plan, including 401k.
• Finish school and go for my Bachelors, and maybe a Masters.
• Take a nice long vacation, maybe do some travelling.

Gavin’s list:

• Pay off medical bills and all other debt we owe.
• Get Elias into the school that specializes in working with autistic children.  (This is a really good one and I wish I’d thought of it).
• Buy a home (about 300K).
• Place enough money in the bank for the kid’s college (about 60K).
• Send Amee back to school so she can get the degree she wants.
• Buy new vehicles outright.
• Place a good amount of money (about 300K) in the bank for our retirement.
• Donate to a charity like Child’s Play (or another children’s charity).
• Host a thank you party for family and friends to thank them for all the past help.
• Buy new PCs for the home.
• Invest the rest into accounts to protect it, while still having dividends to use as we may need them.

Something interesting I observed about both of our lists:  Neither of us said that we would stop working.  We would use the money as a buffer, but we still plan to earn our keep. 

Elias’s list:

• Buy a house that I don’t have to keep paying bills on.
• Buy myself some new clothes.
• Buy a car like the one we have now.
• Buy an indoor movie theater.
• Buy my own Xbox 360 with Halo and Fable.
• Buy a desktop PC.
• Buy a widescreen TV.
• Donate to the army.
• Donate to some hospitals.

Spoken like a true 11-year-old boy, I guess.  Looks like we’ll need to keep working on that whole “materialism” thing with him.  The last two came only after I prompted  him with “Is there anything else you would do with it that doesn’t involve buying things?”  I’m not entirely sure what he means by “donate to the army,” but I didn’t press for details. 

Coming up next – a discussion about values.

What would you do with a million dollars?

How to Teach the Value of the Dollar to Kids

Money management is the key to being successful.  It doesn’t matter if you make $25K or $250K a year.  But how do you instill these skills into your kids?  How do you make them realize just how much work goes into each dollar that goes away, and that the new video game they want with a price tag of $50 is actually a “big purchase”?  Here is one possible way to handle it...

With our oldest, we are trying a lot of tactics to get this through to him.  He has very expensive tastes, but they aren’t far from the average “tween.”  Video games, movies, and other expensive interests seem to rule his world.  When he gets a gift card for a store as a present (or any money), it burns a hole in his pocket.  Now, being who I am, I love gadgets and other stuff as well, so I know this feeling. I have had to learn the hard way in the past, and I am trying to get him to learn without the “growing pains” I had.  Here are a couple of possible ideas….

• Have him sit in and see just how much goes to help the family get day-to-day expenses paid. Show your child the power bill, cable bill, how much groceries are, etc. 
• Price out a trip to the movies for the family, right down to the popcorn.  Show them just how much of the family’s budget goes poof for a 2-hour trip to the cinema. 
• Take your child shopping at the grocery store, and show them what the food portion of the budget goes to. See if maybe they can help plan meals that are within a specific budget, to get them thinking of concepts like the price per serving.
• Have them make a wish list.  Then have them prioritize it, and use the web or go to a store to get the pricing for these items.  Assuming your kids have an allowance, it will make them aware that once money is gone, it is gone. 
• Have them take over the costs of some of their interests.  If they want that amazing new video game, maybe have them pay some or all of the cost.   The goal there is not for you to save money, but to have your child start to take responsibility for their own money. 

These are just some ideas to help make your child aware of what things cost.  Once that gets through to them, they can start making choices and saving money as well.  Not just for items they want, but for the future.