All You Need is Love? Valentine’s Day for Cheap

Across the county, wallets everywhere are weeping.
Photo by zirconicusso

Here it is, that special time of year when you can’t turn on the TV without a massive guilt-trip and a plea to buy shiny little chunks of stone that will set you back about a week’s salary.  Oh, yes, it’s Valentine’s Day.

I know, I know.  It’s a made-up Hallmark holiday designed to sell cards, flowers, cutesy stuffed animals, and jewelry, blah, blah, blah.  I’m not going to get involved in that argument, and I’m not going to write a dissertation on the origins of Valentine’s Day.  Let’s just leave it at this – it’s part of our cultural, you’ve been hearing about practically since Christmas, and really, what’s wrong with taking a day to shower your loved one with (more than your usual) love and affection?  I can get behind that.

The thing is, there’s a lot of pressure to spend a small fortune just to let someone you know you care.  Not necessary.  Gavin and I brainstormed a few ideas for cheap ways to celebrate each other (not the day, each other), and we thought we’d share a few of those with you:

•  Do you really need flowers?  Nurseries tend to hike up their prices right before the big day, knowing that plenty of poor schmucks will have few options but to pay their exorbitant prices.  Living in the Northwest, you can’t exactly go raid someone’s garden for some nice flowers this time of year (although I am hearing reports of early daffodils…).  If you can’t afford to spend a bundle on the holiday, I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to forgo flowers. 
• What about jewelry?  Okay, I’m just not even going to go there.  Forget the jewelry.  Let’s be realistic, please.
• Cards are nice, but spending $5 on a piece of paper with a sweet little sentiment on it seems an easy way out, but really, you could do plenty more with that five bucks. 

So what should we do? 

•  Fix a nice meal for your sweetie.  It doesn’t have to be fancy or involve tenderloin.  Try out our chicken and potatoes recipe for a meal that looks pretty and tastes great but doesn’t cost a fortune.  Light candles, use the “nice” dishes, tablecloth and napkins.
• Plan an inexpensive date night.  If you have kids, put in a movie and pop some popcorn after they go to bed.  Let that old “Valentine’s Day Magic” do its thing.
• Pick a day after Valentine’s Day.  All the prices will have gone back down and you stand a chance of getting a good deal if you are able to splurge a little on a night out.
• Take some time during the day (if you are both lucky enough to have it off) and just go for a walk in a nice location, if the weather permits. 
• Set a small budget for each of you (maybe $5) and get each other a surprise.  Cards are off-limits!  Be creative.

What inexpensive ways do you find to spoil your sweetie during February?

Do You Believe in Magic?

I do.

Look around you.  The stories are everywhere.  People doing wonderful things for strangers, spreading kindness, love and joy all around.  The stories about people paying off other people’s layaways at Kmart are particularly striking.  Can you imagine being one of those people who received such a generous gift from someone you didn’t even know?  The idea brings tears to my eyes.  I would love to be on the other end as well, knowing that I’m making someone so happy and making a Christmas happen that might not otherwise.

Just this past month, our family has been on the receiving end of several gifts and kindnesses from loved ones.  Friends and family have reached out in ways I never would have imagined.  You’ve heard about the Shop with a Cop program the kids got to participate in.  Just two days ago, two of my friends turned up on my doorstep with about two weeks’ worth of groceries, gifts for the kids, and much more.  Gavin’s mom received a special bonus at her work and decided to share her good fortune with her kids.  All of these things couldn’t have happened at a better time. 

While grocery shopping the other night, we made our own effort to pay it forward.  We purchased a gift for the toy drive at Fred Meyer.  I hope our small gift will make a child happy.  It's not a lot, but it's something.

On a forum I belong to, a discussion has been ensuing about whether or not to tell a 10-year-old “the truth” about Santa.  Here was my response:

Santa is analogous with magic. If he (Elias) believes in Santa, he believes in magic. I love that. I think we SHOULD believe in magic. I believe that magic happens. How many times have I been saved from the brink of disaster? Magic happens. It doesn't always happen, and it doesn't happen in the manner you might expect, but it does happen. And it doesn't matter what name you choose to call it: magic, karma, answered prayers... whatever. It HAPPENS. I want him to believe that good things happen when you least expect them. And that includes Santa. Take away that belief and all you have left is sad cynicism, which is no way to live.

It's been a rough year. But somehow, Christmas has managed to come together. We have some gifts for the kids, the family really came through, and the kids even got to participate in a special event "Shop with a Cop." It came together like magic. 

I don't know whether he believes in a literal man who is going to climb down the chimney on Christmas Eve (we are 2nd floor in an apt building, I can't imagine the logistics on that one), but he is more than happy to play along with it and he encourages his 3-year-old sister, and that makes me happy. 

I see no reason to tell him otherwise. Because I believe in Santa too.

Do you believe?
Image courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

Shop with a Cop

Officer Todd and the kids.

Thanks to the kindness of friends, the kids got a really special treat yesterday.  Shop with a Cop is a nationwide program to help lower income families get through the holidays.  The kids get to take a trip through a local Walmart with a local police officer and choose toys for themselves, up to $50. 

I had never heard of this program, then I received word from a friend that they had nominated me and my family had been chosen to participate. Since one of my friends is married to a cop who was participating in the event, we thought it would be pretty neat if the kids got to shop with him.  It didn’t work out that way, but it was still a special experience for everyone. 

We arrived at 8:45 a.m., per my friend’s suggestion.  My sister came with us (and all the photos are courtesy of her) and when we pulled in to the parking lot, we started laughing.  “Can you imagine being a shoplifter?” my sister asked.  The parking lot was wall-to-wall cop cars.  It was pretty impressive.  Cops from every nearby city and district were represented.  We saw Burien cops, Seatac cops, King County Sheriffs… 

When we approached the door, we were guided to the line.  Which wrapped along one side and the back of the store.  While the line was somewhat intimidating, I couldn’t help but think how many donations and how much kindness of others this represented.  What a wonderful thing, that so many families would be helped! 

The line moved quickly, and soon we were matched up with our cop, Officer Todd.  In the line, I had decided that Elias could ask for a video game, since that’s what he really wanted, but I told him that if they asked, mention that it had been a gift from his aunt.  As soon as we met Officer Todd, Elias walked right up to him and said “My mom said I could get a video game, but to let you know my aunt gave me my DS.”  If there’d been a hole in the floor, I would have gladly jumped right in.  Officer Todd grinned.  “He speaks his mind, doesn’t he?” he said.

Elias gets the game he's been dying for.

 Elias promptly picked out DragonQuest Monsters, a game for his DS that he has been begging for since August.  Maddie was a little more challenging.  She eventually found a little rabbit that comes with a dressing trailer (huh?), a pony that came in a purse, and a Magnadoodle.  The pony in the purse was the clear winner, and she pretty much refused to let go of it for the rest of the day (and she slept with it last night). 

Maddie shows off her pony in a purse.

 Officer Todd was friendly and patient with the kids, even when Elias tried to go into one-up mode, and the kids had a wonderful time.  I do hope they understand that this trip is going to help make up for the rather meager amount of presents that will be under the tree this year.    I’m deeply grateful to my friends for making this happen. 

My Favorite Charities

No matter where we stand, we should continue to help others.
Image by David Castillo Dominici

I’ve read my share of “manage your money” books.  And one of the major tenants of any program involves giving to those in need.  I believe in this completely.  Even when I am not in a position to donate money, I still make the effort to donate time. 

For example, I am currently donating my time and editing talent to DailySource.org.  This nonprofit provides an unbiased collection of news from different sources, providing a brief summary and a link to the source.  The site strives to stay free of left/right politics, and I respect that.  Additionally, it has been a fantastic place to hone my skills, and I have learned a lot about website editing and AP style. 

With the holiday season here, many people are in a very giving mood.  Before spending money on more stuff that you don’t need, consider making a donation to a charity that is actively working to make lives better.

Gavin and I support several charities.  Some of our favorites include:

• American Cancer Society – Not just about finding a cure, ACS works to help patients affected by cancer and their families.
•  Autism Speaks – I have participated in the walking event, raising money for this organization.  Autism has deeply touched our family, and this charity is working to find solutions.
• Boy Scouts of America – Elias is a Scout and it has done wonders for him. 
• Child’s Play – This charity was founded by gamers.  The goal is to make gaming systems available to kids I hospitals so they have something fun to do to take their minds off treatment.
• Humane Society – We got our Minerva from the Humane Society.  Before buying a pet from a pet store, check here to see if you can give one of these wonderful animals a home.
• Make-A-Wish – I think everyone knows this charity and its goal.  Make-A-Wish does phenomenal work.
• Northwest Harvest – A local charity that helps put food on the tables of people who need some extra help.  We have been fortunate enough to not have to use this service ourselves, so we will continue to donate food to this program.
• Northwest Hope and Healing – I did a 5K for this charity.  They work to provide help to women undergoing treatment for breast cancer, from providing financial support during the times they can’t work and even helping with child care during chemotherapy.
• World Vision – I am hoping to participate in child sponsorship one day, although I have supported this program financially.  I know people who have sponsored through this charity and they were very happy with it. I think this would be good for teaching Elias more about the world, as well.

When Thankfulness Doesn’t Come Easily

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, everyone.

Image by David Castillo Dominici

Sometimes it’s hard to find something to be thankful for.  The basics are easy – I’m thankful for my family and my friends.  But then I start getting nit-picky.  I’m thankful for my family, but it would be nice if my son didn’t have so many challenges.  I’m thankful for my friends, but I’m frustrated that I don’t get to see them as often as I would like.  I’m thankful that I have a roof over my head, but I don’t like where we live…  I could go on, but I’ll spare you.

It seems like for every good thing in my life, there’s something that could be done to make it “better.”  As you might imagine, thinking like this sets us up for failure and depression. While I don’t completely subscribe to the “Law of Attraction” theory, I do think that focusing on the negative constantly sets me up to only find the negative in everything.

I’ve been participating in the “thankful” game on Facebook this month, naming something I am thankful for every day in November.  The first week was easy:  family, friends and so forth.  But then I ran out of the big ones and had to really start thinking about it.  With so much going wrong in my life, could I really find 30 things to be thankful for?  It seemed like a tall order. 

I noticed that some of my friends popped up with their posts first thing in the morning, every morning.  “Luckies,” I sulked.  “Sure they have lots to be thankful for.”  I had to work at this.  But we’re almost to Thanksgiving now, and I’ve managed to come up with something every day.  Sure, sometimes it gets posted right before I go to bed, but it’s there.  I’ve also had to resist the temptation to show gratitude tempered by snark, for example “I’m grateful to have a car, but I wish the stupid heater would work.”  Instead, despite my crabbiness, I simply say “I’m thankful for a car that runs and gets us from point a to point b.” 

I think one of the keys to getting us through this tricky time is going to be remembering what’s important and how much we already have – regardless of whether we think it could be in better condition or not.

What are you especially thankful for this year?

Keeping the Spark Even Under Stress



Photo courtesy of Walt Disney Pictures

 Financial “issues” are one of the largest factors cited in divorces.  Stress from all of the bills, appointments, work and even kids can really take it’s toll on the romantic side of the relationship.   Finding ways to express ourselves as a couple can be very difficult to arrange and afford.  So with our finances like they are, I have been trying to find ways to make sure our relationship does not end up on the back burner.  The main way I am approaching this is with “at-home date nights.”

This is time we set aside without the computers, writing, texting, or anything else.  We get the kids to bed and hopefully get some time to spend just with each other.  Here are some ideas that may help you keep the spark going when you are in stressful times…

Movie night.  Everyone knows this one… pull out a movie you both want to see, pop some popcorn and cuddle up on the couch.

Cook a special dinner.  Find a meal that is affordable but also fun to eat, maybe a fondue or a pasta dish.  Make a special dessert or treat to munch on.  It is fun to cook with your partner and it gives you a chance to be together.

Game night.  Everyone has a competitive side.  Pull out a board game or your favorite Xbox game and go at it.  Maybe play for “favors” or something to make it a bit more interesting or intimate.   If you want to take it further, look into a more intimate game from a specialty store near you.  Just make sure your partner is ok with this… or better, let them pick it out to keep them involved.   

Living room picnic.  Get some simple fruits and foods that are fun to nibble on and share them like a picnic in your living room.  Turn down the lights and just have a good time.
Act like a teenager.  Simply take some time to spend with your partner kissing and making out like you did back when you first met.  This time together will help keep a close bond between yourself and your partner.


Be spontaneous and take control!  It is very easy to let day-to-day stresses take the joy out of life and the passion out of your relationship.  Don’t be afraid to take charge and show your partner what you are interested in doing.  Spring the date on them when they don’t expect it!  If your family keeps a calendar, with all of the events going on it is easy to see when some good times to do this would be.  Don’t be shy, take charge and have fun!  Maybe send an alluring email or text message (make sure you double check the recipient’s email or phone to minimize mistakes) to get the anticipation building!

Also, there are books full of intimate ideas for couples.  Some of the most known books are by Laura Corn.  These books offer pages you can tear out with ideas or instructions to play out with your partner.  Some of these take some planning but others can be very spontaneous.  Once again, communication is key and it is fun to alternate who tears a page and plans for the time.

The best part about this is your only limit is your imagination.  Be sure to keep a solid flow of communication with your partner so they can also help with this.  No relationship should be one-sided when it comes to the closeness you feel together.